A Dog Among Princes

Chapter 35

It was fast approaching midnight when Guys heard a knock at his window. He shook his head as he pushed off his covers and stood to open the window.

“You know you don’t have to sneak around anymore.”

“That’s half the fun.” Griffith pouted. Guts helped him through the window, quickly shutting it behind him.

“It’s damn cold in here.” The night air had chilled the inside of his room despite the fire burning in the hearth. It didn’t help that Guts generally slept shirtless.

“Do you want me to warm you up?” Griffith teased. Guts lowered his head to kiss him.

“I think I’m ready to try taking your dick again.” Guts smirked as he watched Griffith’s eyes go wide.

“You would trust me to do that?” Griffith understood the gravity of that trust now. He desperately wanted to do it but he held himself back. That was what a better man would do right? Maybe practice was the answer, with enough effort he might be able to get to a place where he could intuit the moral thing to do in a given situation, not just the right thing. “I know it brought back bad memories the last time.”

“It did.” Guts played with one of Griffith’s hands, sliding his thumb along his palm. “But I think I’m ready to try again. Unless you’re worried about me lashing out again. That would’ve fucked me up too probably.”

“No, no. Rest assured I want to.” Guts entwined his fingers with Griffith’s and kissed the back of his hand.

“Then what’s fucking stopping you?” Guts asked. Griffith tore his own shirt off, forgetting his strength in his eagerness. “Your tailor must love you.”

“I give him plenty of business don’t I?” He was tempted to cut Guts’s clothes from his body with his claws, but he didn’t. He undid the drawstring of his pants and pulled them down.

“You mind if we take this to the bed?” Guts shivered. It really was damn cold. Especially when he was naked like this.

As Guts made himself comfortable in bed, he watched as Griffith removed his own pants. He played with his slit as he got closer, coaxing out his cock.

“You want to do it or should I?” Guts spread his legs.

“I think I’d like to watch.” Griffith sat down in front of him. Guts rifled around in the drawers beside his bed. He kept a jar of oil in there now for times like this. With awkward fingers he began to probe at his entrance. It was harder when he couldn’t quite see what he was doing.

Griffith crawled behind him and softly rubbed his cheek against Guts’s. Guts turned to look at him, his dark brown eyes warm and trusting, and Griffith forgot how to breathe for a moment.

Griffith’s pupils were blown wide and Guts heard his breath catch as he turned to face him. With his free hand, he wound his fingers into Griffith’s long hair and pulled him into a kiss. Clumsily, Guts worked a second finger inside himself. He was probably close to ready, just a little bit more work.

“I always forget you’re still new to this.” Griffith placed his hand on the back of Guts’s.

“Hey, you wanted to see me do it. I don’t know what you expected.”

“You’re allowed to enjoy this, you know. I’m in no rush.” Griffith guided Guts’s hand away from his hole and then brought it back with his palm facing upwards. “Try it like this. Feel along the top.” Guts carefully re-inserted his fingers. He groped blindly for a few moments, feeling stupid and inexperienced, but then his finger brushed against something that made him hiss. “There you go. Try that again, Guts, harder.” Griffith spoke right into his ear, his warm breath caressing his skin. Guts did as he said, rubbing the same spot again, harder this time. A soft moan escaped his lips. “That feels good doesn’t it?” Griffith slipped out from behind Guts, his wings enveloping them both. “Are you ready for me?”

Guts looked at the man above him. He was surrounded, the man on top of him a monster that was about fuck him. He should’ve been terrified. By now he should’ve blacked out and tried to strangle him, but he didn’t. The voice of fear that had once filled Guts’s mind had quieted.

“Go ahead.” Griffith kissed him on the forehead and then began to work himself inside.

Guts figured it helped that Griffith’s cock didn’t feel too much like a cock. Though the metal was flexible, it didn’t feel anything like skin and muscle. It was almost entirely smooth, its sides ribbed slightly where the plates that comprised it fit together. The foreignness of the sensation made it much easier to separate this experience from the past, easier to just relax into the sensation of Griffith hitting that spot inside him again and again. Metal on skin didn’t trigger the same memories as skin on skin. Even when Griffith’s hand accidentally brushed the side of his neck, Guts didn’t panic, he didn’t feel the ghosts of hands closing around his throat. Instead he felt the urge to wrap his legs around Griffith’s back.

Griffith nearly had the wind knocked out of him as Guts roughly pulled him closer. He didn’t mind of course, it was a sign of victory. Guts trusted him enough that he was pulling him close instead of pushing away, even at his most vulnerable. Griffith had won, Guts had finally given himself over to him completely. Some part of him, that acted counter to his nature, wanted Griffith to give himself to Guts completely in turn.

“I love you.” Griffith had never said it first, only ever in answer to Guts. He’d stepped around admitting it for so long that even now when they were engaged, it still felt like a massive confession, with a weight to it far heavier than he could shoulder. “I love you.” Griffith had someone who he cared about beyond his strategic use and that still absolutely shook him to his core. “I love you.” Someone existed that could hold Griffith’s heart in his strong hands and yet he wasn’t afraid that Guts would try to crush it.

“You don’t have to keep repeating yourself, alright?” Guts wrapped his arms around the back of Griffith’s neck and pulled him closer. “I believe you.” Guts laughed, like it was the easiest thing in the world for him to trust Griffith. He was still unused to hearing him laugh like that, genuinely, without a raw edge of something else hidden beneath. Griffith kissed him again to try and stop himself from feeling overwhelmed. He reached down between them and wrapped his hand around Guts’s cock. The other man tensed up spilling into his hand and Griffith quickly pulled out as he followed close behind.

They both laid there together once they’d cleaned themselves off. “That young knight Serpico told me something interesting today.” Griffith stared at the ceiling as he spoke, not wanting to see Guts’s reaction. “He and the others were looking for a man who was prophesied to end the world.”

“And it was you wasn’t it.” Guts sighed in resignation.

“It could’ve been, but denying the God Hand stopped it from coming to pass. The next time someone could take my place would be 500 years from now.”

“Thank god.” There was a strange edge to Guts’s voice. “Don’t fucking scare me like that alright. You had me thinking I was going to lose you. Fuck, I almost lost you once already.”

“I could’ve killed you, Guts, I could’ve killed everyone you care about, even ended the world if I made the wrong decision that day.”

“But you didn’t, you can’t beat yourself up for a choice you didn’t make.”

“It was a choice I only made because of you. If you weren’t by my side I would have done it. They showed me you know, a world where I did it because you left me. One where I looked you in the eyes and accepted because I would rather see you dead than in someone else’s arms!”

“And you still didn’t do it.”

“Only because of you.”

“Griffith, why the hell are you telling me this? I know who you are, you’re not going to chase me away.”

“Remember how I once told you that I believed the most important man in the world was one who could determine his own fate and change the destinies of others?”

“Yeah.”

“You were the one that changed my fate, not me. Even in the version of events I was shown you lived, through sheer tenacity, even though you had been marked for death. You have the will to change fate no matter how grim the outlook, do you understand how incredible that is?”

“So you’re feeling inadequate.”

“Excuse me?!”

“You’re trying to push me away because you’re afraid I’m going to leave you. Trust me it’s not going to work, Griffith. I spent too damn long thinking just the same way you are now to let you go now.” He pulled Griffith to his chest. “I was thinking about leaving before we came here, you know. Thought I needed to take time by myself to figure out what I wanted to do with my life. You know why? Because I thought I wasn’t worthy to stand by your side as I was.”

“Another thing I am to blame for.”

“Well you know what? I nearly got you killed fighting Zodd. We’re fair and square.” Guts concluded stubbornly.

“We’re not. I’ve done you a great deal of harm. I saw it first hand.”

“Yeah? And how are you supposed to make up for it if you’re too busy running away, dumbass?”

“You should hate me.” Griffith’s voice came out small.

“You should know better.” Guts buried his face in Griffith’s hair. “Even if one day you put a knife in my back, I’ll still love you. I’ll kick your ass for it, but I’ll still love you.”

“You shouldn’t.”

“I will. I can’t help it and I don’t think you can either.”

“No, I cannot.” Griffith admitted. Guts kissed his neck.

“I think when you decide you love someone you choose the way you want to get hurt.” Guts mumbled into his skin. “When I fell in love with you, I decided I would be fine with the pain of never getting to actually have you. Now that we’re together, I decided it was alright if I never fully understood you. But the important part is that I decided it was worth it, to have the joy of loving you.”

“I will never think I am worthy of you.”

“And if I spend the rest of my life trying to convince you otherwise, is it worth the pain?”

“Even if you don't, it would be worth it.”

“Well, we’ve both agreed then. Neither of us are allowed to back out anymore.” Guts held him even tighter.

“You’ve outgrown me in wisdom.” Griffith laughed.

“I’ve always been fucking wise, I’ve just figured out how to say shit better.” Guts grinned into his neck.